backtalk

Something has really been annoying me lately, and even though no one seems to want to provide me with any feedback on this blog of mine, I figure I'll open it up to the community for further discussion.

First, here's an example situation: last night about seven o'clock, I was sitting around watching football and trying to figure out what to do with my night. In the process of doing this, I talked
back and forth with two friends about the prospect of going downtown. The first exchange ended around 7:30, and I was told "I'll call you when I'm ready". The second exchange ended around 8:30 with "I'll give you a call back when we leave here, which should be in just a little bit". Having supposedly settled that I was going to be going downtown in a while, I threw on a belt, shaved, etc. and finished up watching the college football, expecting to get a couple of phone calls when the time came. Around 10:00, all the games on TV were over, so I wandered over to the computer to check the postgame reports on the other ones, still patiently waiting for the phone to ring. About 11:00, I started getting a little impatient and decided to call my people to see what was up. No answer. No return phone call. No contact of any sort. I heard through the grapevine that both actually did end up downtown, and supposedly had a great time.

Now, I don't know what the rest of the world thinks about this, but that pisses me off. And I feel like I'm completely justified.

If I'm not justified in that sort of situation, then where's the disconnect? Did I miss the lesson on interpersonal interaction that gives the rules on when you call someone back and when you don't? Is there some unwritten law that forbids giving someone a call if you decide to cancel pending plans? Have the common-courtesy police decided that there's no need to apologize for basically ditching someone?

I can understand if some plans just sort of fall through. If the situation is like "Hey, I'm going downtown too--maybe I'll call you when we get down there", then I don't really expect a call. When the voice mail says "Hey, just thought I'd see what you're up to--give me a call", there's no real responsibility to return that. I can understand if something comes up and you just can't answer the phone, or if you're too busy at the moment to respond immediately. There are valid reasons out there to miss a call or be late on returning one. But if the plan is specifically to go out with someone and it's down to the "call me to tell me where we're meeting" phase, that's a call you need to make. When it's "Hey, I need to buy tickets tomorrow. Call me back and tell me whether you're coming or not", that's a call you need to make.

I'm not saying that people should always follow through with social plans and should never cancel. That's fine. But is a phone call to the cancelee to tell them you're calling it off too much to ask?